Searching for Closure, Part 2

I wanted more time in Amsterdam, but time wouldn’t allow. I still had Germany to consider, and Bergen-Belsen was my first stop. Google Maps predicted a 4.5 hour drive. Then again, Google never consulted me about driving on the Autobahn.

I rented a SEAT Leon–a car I knew nothing about–but was assured by the agent that, “SEAT Leon is a useful car to get from point A to point B.”

“Never heard of it before. What kind of car is it…compared to more popular carmakers?” I asked.

“Think of it as a sportier Spanish version of a VW Golf,” he informed.

OK, I thought. That ought to do, and it seemed so appropriate considering how close the concentration camp is to Wolfsburg, home of the VW factory and largest automobile plant in the world.

For a third of the way, I had to watch my speed, before crossing the country border into Germany. But once A1 turned into A 30, I was off to the races. Ordinarily, 130 kph (81 mph) is the top-posted speed limit on highways, but for many high performance vehicles, that’s akin to standing still. When clear of frequent road repairs, much of the Autobahn carries three lanes of traffic: trucks and turtles in the right lane; quasi-regulation speed in the middle lane; and Mach 1, bat-outta-hell speed in the left lane.

I waited patiently until I reached De Poppe, where I overtook a BMW 3, and throttled the accelerator as I pushed the transmission into top gear. This was life in the fast lane. When the speedometer crossed 170, I set my sights on the next middle-lane creeper, a Fiat 500. My cruising speed topped 190 and flattened. The Fiat was coming up fast on my right. I checked my mirrors, and suddenly discovered the front end of a Mercedes-AMG GT filling my rearview and flashing its headlights. Seriously?! Within seconds of passing the Fiat?!

I stood my ground–I was committed to passing the Fiat–it was my right! Of course, my tailgater thought the same. The roadster was so close, I could have been towing him. And now its syncopated horn was blaring. In my fantasy, it probably resembled a Grand Prix pas de deux, but in reality, it was German intimidation.

I sped past the Fiat and quickly crossed back to the middle. The Mercedes effortlessly blew by me doing no less than 240, and in a blink of an eye, my nemesis was beyond my driving horizon. Thereafter, I occasionally found my way back to the rocket lane, but I was content to run, where others were meant to fly.

Nevertheless, I managed to shave a half-hour off my run time as I took my exit. The scenery turned verdant green as I shot down the lonely country lane. Trees were filling in, crops were sprouting, and accents of color from wild flowers popped against a cloudless sky.

I was racing to Bergen-Belsen–not knowing what to expect–but once I sensed the immediacy of my arrival, I purposely down-shifted my anxiety to regain control of my emotions. I sat in the parking lot for a minute with the engine idling, thinking about the history of this place and its connection to my family, and the untold suffering and misery caused to so many others, that I wept. It wasn’t a long cry, but long enough to strengthen my resolve.

I entered the facility, where I met Simone, who sat behind the desk of the documentation center…

Simone at the entrance

and I restated my purpose. She took my grandmother’s name and cross-checked it against the memorial registry. It’s estimated that more than 50,000 people died of starvation, disease, brutality and medical sadism while interned at Bergen-Belsen. When British Allies liberated the camp on April, 15, 1945, they discovered over 60,000 prisoners, most of them sick or dying.

“You are very fortunate. Just before the Liberation, the Nazis destroyed most of their records to hide their crimes. We have records for only half the prisoners held here, but lucky for you, your grandmother’s name is on the list,” she said with excitement.
And then she presented me with twin volumes…

Books of Remembrance

and flagged the most significant page in Volume Two, which caused my heart to race.

list of names (2).jpg

Simone offered a map of the museum, and I got started on my quest.

museum map

In the beginning, I felt rushed seeing the truth laid bare, given the limited time I had to spend inside the exhibition hall while researching clues of family connections.

exhibit hall

But when I forced myself to slow down and pay closer attention to the evidence, the displays revealed a deeper significance.

Square window boxes dropped into the cement floor showcased the unusual value of common personal effects…


unearthed by archeologists after the British incinerated the camp to control the spread of typhus that permeated the surroundings.

camp_model

Walls of displays detailed the story of the horrors within…

mission.jpg

Because of correspondence from Bernd Horstmann, curator of the museum’s Register of Names, I learned that Grandma Rose arrived from Westerbork on January 12, 1944 with 1,024 other Jews,

When a transport arrives

and was detained at the Star Camp, a subsection of the Exchange Camp…

worden.jpg
crematorium

Because Grandma Rose had value to the Nazis as a seamstress, she was most likely deployed to the SS-owned Weaving Works,

letter and records (2)
letter and records (3)

which forced women to produce items from scrap materials,

weaving-works.jpg

in addition to repairing inmate uniforms.

prisoner uniform

Although living conditions at the Star Camp were considered better than other blocks within Bergen-Belsen…

conditions

the indignity and torture of incarceration was more than enough to drive many of the prisoners mad.

indignity

Nonetheless, a code of conduct ruled inside the huts, in sharp contrast to the chaos and barbarism that reigned on the outside. Having been relegated to Block 20, Grandma Rose was beholden to Jewish Elder, Joseph Weiss.

code of conduct

In time, as surrounding concentration camps closed, Bergen-Belsen saw a dramatic increase in inmates. Originally intended as a Soviet POW camp for 20,000 prisoners, the camp population swelled beyond imagination and sustainability.

prisoner numbers (3)

By April, 1945, the Third Reich learned that the Allies had broken German defenses from the west and the south as the Soviets were advancing from the east.

in-early-april-1945.jpg

On April 7, 1945, Grandma Rose was among the first to be loaded onto a cattle car initially bound for Thereisenstadt,

Trains to Westerbork (2)

but destined for the gas chambers.

map of death trains route

Of course, none of the transportees knew where they were going or what to expect on the other side of their living hell, except continuing sickness and certain death.

the ride to Farsleben

After six days of unimaginable terror on the rails, Grandma Rose’s train was liberated near the German village of Farsleben on April 15, 1945 by American soldiers from the 743rd Tank Battalion of the 30th Infantry Division.

liberation mother and child (2)
Courtesy of the Gross family

Maj. Frank Towers, who also took part in the liberation, organized the transfer of Grandma Rose and the other 2,500 freed prisoners to a nearby town, Hillersleben, where they received medical treatment from Allied troops. Grandma Rose weighed 90 pounds when she admitted to the field hospital.

I had seen enough, but I needed to see more. I just didn’t know if I could process anymore at the time. But there was one last exhibit that I could not ignore inside the Film Tower, no matter how difficult it seemed.

Eventually, the museum was cleared at 5pm. As many as 10 other patrons filed through the exit and into their cars, leaving me with another couple to roam the cemetery grounds on a beautiful Spring afternoon.

1940 Bis 1945.jpg

There are no tombstones on the grounds, but there are government memorials…

oblisque.jpg

and government tributes…

Herzog plaque

and personal markers.

personal tributes.jpg

scattered among a cluster of memorial mounds…

Memorial.jpg

where the unknown remains of tens of thousands of victims share a mass grave beneath the berm.

(please be advised of extremely graphic content)

I found solace inside the House of Silence, an outlying metal and glass edifice on the edge of camp, in the midst of a grove of birch trees…

Acute angle blue

where a soaring meditation room offers space for personal reflection,

House of Silence interior

and an altar for hundreds of tokens of healing and prayer.

shrine

Bergen-Belsen is a sad place that offers little redemption beyond the nagging reminder that people have the capacity for immeasurable cruelty toward each other–as if it’s in our DNA–and this is our scar for future reference.Surely, a solemn oath from each of us to “never forget,” brings us one step closer to “never again.”

But this memorial also challenges us to check our speed. We need to slow down and be mindful of the world around us in order to listen closely for the pulse of hatred that still beats among us, lest we drive down this familiar road again, ignoring the vital signs of tolerance, freedom, and understanding.

A “Search for Closure” concludes with Part 3.

Eye Candy

I took a stroll
and spied a tool
that looked real cool–
where taffy pulled
around a spool.

I pulled a stool 
to watch this jewel.
And like a fool
who’s ridiculed,
my spittle drolled.

But there’s a rule
recalled from school:
That life is full
of soles with holes
whose souls are whole.

So ’round it folds
a to and fro,
the taffy flows
to fuel a flue
and form a glue.