1)  Why do airport terminals have grouted tile floors?

A cacophonous display of roll-away suitcases towed by weary travelers, hiccup along the tiled Albuquerque concourse, sending clickety-clack vibrations through telescoped luggage handles during late evening hours. Each bag resonates with a signature “smooth-bump-smooth-bump” beat against an uneven surface–punctuated by a variety of passenger walking tempos–producing a discordant movement with no beginning or end.

But why not a smooth floor without bumps? Would it be any less durable? Would it be so terrible if towing a suitcase didn’t have to be such a “groovy” experience? Or would pulling a bag along a steady line be too disquieting that passengers would run for their Ativan?

2) Why do airlines spend so much time and money guaranteeing that their fleet flies straight, but they neglect replacing the concave cabin seats that passengers have flattened after millions of ass-miles?

What’s more uncomfortable than saddling into a posterior pancake for hours “on end”, knowing that “cramping quarters” within cramped quarters is cruel and unusual punishment? Shouldn’t airlines be required to pad their seats for the privilege of padding their profits?

3) Why would an airline board a red-eye flight at the last terminal gate, when the airport is all but shut down and all the closest gates are empty?

Stay tuned…there are so many more Qs without As down the road.